So Glad I Didn’t Listen

Happy Birthday to my son

Jun 13, 2025

“Your son is mentally r3tard3d. It will take much time, resources, and money to take care of him… You have plenty of time to have another child if you want.”

That was the very first thing a Black, male pediatrician said to me when my son was two or three years old. We were there for an evaluation because he wasn’t meeting certain developmental benchmarks. And those were the first words out of his mouth—cold, final, and devastating.

This was back in the 90s, when the R-word was still casually tossed around by professionals. But even then, I knew deep down how wrong that moment was. He told me my child would never be able to do anything. That he’d never be independent. Never read. Never write. Never take care of himself. And he strongly suggested I place him in an institution—not for any clear medical reason, but because he assumed I wasn’t capable of raising him.

I didn’t believe it. Or maybe, I refused to accept that this stranger saw no future for my child.

I can never get through this song without crying.

We did eventually receive a formal diagnosis: autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability. And yes, there have been challenges. There still are.

And let me say this clearly—if you’ve had to institutionalize your child, I see you. There’s no shame in that. Every family’s situation is different, and you deserve compassion, not judgment. But in my case, there was no just cause other than this doctor’s lack of faith in a young me and in my child.

But I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

Today, my son turns 35 years old.

He is semi-independent. He cooks his own meals. He dresses himself. He is deeply intelligent, with a photographic memory. He still needs support, but he is capable in so many ways that doctor never imagined.

More than that—he is one of the kindest, most joyful people I know. He loves his sister. He loves his family. He celebrates life in a way that reminds me what truly matters.

And today, on his birthday, I just want to say:

Happy birthday, son.

I’m so glad I didn’t listen.

So glad I’m your mom.

So glad you’re here.